my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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