No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
