oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
