Just cropdusted the office
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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