My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
