i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
