I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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