Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
