I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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