I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
