I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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