Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
