Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
