best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
