actually, I'm a sock model
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's shark week go big or go home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
