This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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