don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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