How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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