Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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