Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
