Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well you can't waste a boner
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize