I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
