we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize