He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
