i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
