My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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