Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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