Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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