Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
