help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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