i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
