i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
