i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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