How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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