I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
