dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
