Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
