You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
