I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
