I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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