you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
