I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
