So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
