Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
