Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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