And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
