i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
