why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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