so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
