I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
