You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
