i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
