your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
