I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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