She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
