I just pynch a tree in the face
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
