If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
