ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize