He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
