Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
