I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize