I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
