god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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