if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize