...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
