My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
