cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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