apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
