I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That's intense
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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