I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
