I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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