who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
