I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hippo gnu deer
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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