Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
